Posted March 3, 2025

When clinicians are working with clients, it’s important to integrate elements of their personality, wisdom, and intuition along with awareness of your client, yourself, and tuning in with when it may be time to shift into trying something new or changing up the energy a bit. Clinicians must take almost nothing personally but also recognize moments when being human and genuine is crucial.

Responding to Mistakes: A Key Exception to "Taking Nothing Personally"

While the general principle is to take nothing personally, there are occasions when this rule can be bent. When a clinician makes a mistake or when a client calls attention to something that went wrong, the best course of action is to respond authentically and correct it. This is one of the few times when taking things personally can be helpful for healing the therapeutic relationship. Some may ask if it is appropriate to terminate a relationship on the basis of something being inappropriate—the answer is absolutely—but I would move to say that it is still done under the context of ethical principles and consideration of what is best for the clinical relationship (not because we are taking something personally).

Navigating Patterns in the Therapeutic Relationship

During therapy, interaction patterns often emerge within the clinician-client dynamic. It's vital for clinicians to remain both present and attuned while also zooming out to identify repetitive patterns that may be surfacing in the relationship. Understanding these patterns can provide critical insight into the client’s personal challenges. This article is not going to be diving deep into transference and countertransference issues, but it is important to be aware of these dynamics as they can greatly impact the therapeutic process.

A client who creates a push-pull dynamic (hot/cold interactions) may be demonstrating deeper issues related to attachment. This behavior often signals a lack of safety in connected relationships. While clinicians may not be able to explore this with the client right away, curiosity and attuned questioning can help build trust and open the door to meaningful exploration. It is important not to re-create former patterns—so if, for example, in an assessment, they tell you that they had a parent who was emotionally neglectful or was angry a lot, it is important not to get too rigid about setting limits or confronting the client, as this will reinforce an old attachment habit and lend itself to re-enactment of old, possibly harmful patterns. Our goal is to observe the pattern, shift the response to one that can be attuned and healing in the present (for the past and the future). Over time, as rapport strengthens, these moments of vulnerability can become transformative.

Shifting Your Approach: Adapting to the Client’s Needs

Our style as clinicians tends to remain fairly consistent, but there are times when adapting our approach is necessary for the therapeutic situation. One such example is when you’re working with a client and you notice you start feeling really tired, perhaps due to their tendency to ramble or over-explain. This can be a moment to engage your clinical skills fully, checking in with yourself and the client to ensure the session is productive. It may also be a time to examine the role of the behavior—does over-analysis and over-explaining function as a method of keeping the client out of his or her body, thus preventing connection and repair? Does it maintain distance in relationships because of the interaction style? Does it point to something diagnostically appropriate related to social skills? All of these are very important things to consider and may be beneficial for seeking consultation with a skilled colleague to see if what you are experiencing is about something unresolved in yourself or something to be addressed within the landscape of client history and current needs. This can help you to make a wise decision about the next steps for treatment.

Exploring Client Behavior with Curiosity

It’s important to assess how your client is experiencing the moment and whether the client is ready for reflective feedback, introspection, and/or change talk. If they’re sharing long-winded stories or behaving in ways that trigger your disinterest, ask them about their own energy and emotions in that moment. If you have noticed a push and pull in the dynamic where some days it feels as if they are ready and committed and other times they are prickly and defensive, this is where curiosity without assumption becomes essential. You may uncover a pattern of disconnection, loneliness, or difficulty in relationships that are not exclusive to therapy but rather a representation of the safety in their relationships as a whole.

Sharing Insight with Compassion

When you do share observations, it’s essential to do so in a way that doesn’t alienate the client. It is also of supreme importance that you have their consent for your feedback. Then, you can offer feedback in loving and respectful ways that invite collaboration. For example, you could frame your observations around the goals the client has set for themselves: “I know we’re working on [X] goal together, and I noticed something that could be helpful. Would it be okay to share it with you?”

If the client agrees, you can gently share your observation. If they decline, respect their boundaries and explore the reasons behind their response. In this way, you maintain the balance of compassion and insight, fostering a relationship where feedback is offered with care and sensitivity.

Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity in the Therapeutic Process

In therapy, the balance between professionalism and authentic connection is essential for building trust and fostering meaningful change. By staying present, curious, and open to patterns in the therapeutic relationship, clinicians can navigate moments of vulnerability and insight that can be life-changing for clients. Shifting our approaches when necessary, using compassion and curiosity to understand client behaviors, and offering feedback with care are all part of creating a safe and transformative space for healing. As you continue your work with clients, remember that authenticity, self-awareness, and a willingness to adapt can make all the difference.

Take action today: Reflect on your recent sessions and identify any patterns or moments where you could have shown more curiosity or compassion. How can you incorporate these strategies into your next session to deepen your client relationships and foster meaningful growth?