Posted on December 16th, 2024

As providers, many of us are drawn to this field because we genuinely understand people or feel called to support others on their healing journey. One of the most common challenges I see in those of us in the helping profession is the tendency to block or avoid grief and sadness—particularly when it involves intense emotions like crying or pain.

In these moments, it’s all too easy to let our own discomfort get in the way of truly being there for someone else. Too often, I see well-meaning healers rush in to comfort or "fix" the situation. They offer encouragement, reassurance, or, at worst, try to point out the silver lining. But real healing often requires something deeper than quick fixes.

The Discomfort of Grief: Leaning into Vulnerability

Allowing someone to truly feel their sadness or grief can be deeply uncomfortable. I’ve felt it myself, over and over, in my own spirit. It’s hard to witness another’s pain, and our natural instinct is often to try to stop that pain, to make it go away. Much like when a child falls down and we rush in with a kiss and a Band-Aid, it feels right to comfort and encourage.

However, the grief and trauma people experience are far more complex than that. They don’t disappear with a few comforting words or gestures. True healing requires space for the person to process their emotions, and that means sitting with their pain—not rushing to fix it.

Sitting with Pain: The Power of Presence

When someone shares a deeply vulnerable moment with you, jumping in too quickly to “fix” it sends an unintended message. It might tell them that they need to "get over it," or it could suggest that their emotions are too much for you to handle. But what they really need in that moment is space—to feel seen, heard, and fully understood. This is where true healing can start, with a moving through, and allowing space for release.

I encourage all those in the helping professions to embrace the discomfort. Lean into the moment. Instead of flinching away, allow yourself to soften your gaze, adjust your tone, and be fully present. While this might feel uncomfortable at first, it’s exactly what your client needs to begin moving through the emotion. By doing so, you create a space where healing can begin.

The Importance of Reflection and Support for Helpers

Sitting with someone else's pain can take a toll on us, especially when we’re continually exposed to intense emotions. For this reason, it’s crucial for those in helping professions to have their own support system in place. This might include a mentor, therapist, or supervisor with whom you can reflect on your experiences and gain perspective.

It’s equally important to reflect on your own past and emotional triggers. Understanding the dynamics within your family system or your personal experiences can offer insights into why you might feel compelled to soothe or fix someone else’s pain. By examining your own responses to emotional discomfort, you can become more aware of how these impulses affect your ability to truly hold space for others.

Radical Genuineness and Acceptance: The Path to Healing

When you resist the urge to “fix” someone’s grief or pain, you allow them the opportunity to process their emotions fully. Radical genuineness and acceptance in these moments help people feel truly seen and respected. This presence allows clients to move through their emotions, almost like a wave, rather than avoiding or suppressing them.

This process of emotional release is key to healing. The more you can be a steady, non-judgmental presence, the more likely it is that true breakthroughs will occur. Clients don’t just want comfort; they want to feel understood and respected. When they feel that their emotions aren’t being interrupted or minimized, they can begin the true process of healing.

Embrace the Space for Healing

So, the next time you find yourself in a room with someone who is sharing intense pain or grief, resist the urge to swoop in too quickly. Lean into the discomfort, allow them the time and space they need to experience their emotions, and allow them to release it. It’s in this release—this honest, raw expression of emotion—that true healing occurs.

Conclusion: Holding Space for True Healing

As a guide in the therapy journey, we must learn to sit with discomfort and let people process their emotions on their own terms. This doesn’t mean abandoning them; it means standing beside them as they move through their pain and providing a safe space where they can release what needs to be released. Only then can they begin to heal and find peace.